I'm so sorry I haven't done the study again. I am really under it right now and could really use your prayers.
Several people have been calling upon me to pray for them, and I have such a heavy heart right now, which is so not like me these days. Usually things don't get to me so deeply with intercession anymore, because I know how good God is. I think it's because I'm really struggling to hold onto faith that God is really going to come through for us to pay our rent. The days are ticking by, and we are down to our last $65.00. I have money that people will owe me the first part of November, but I really want to pay the rent on time (which is the 4th).
Even though I got an amazing (and I mean truly amazing) prophetic word tonight at my home group, in which God said through a complete stranger that everything I've been asking for is coming...it's in the works right now and is right now on its way to me...even though I have that amazing word, I am crying my eyes out because I just don't have enough faith to believe that God is going to bless us like this. UGH!!!
I have been asking God what the issue is...why I can't believe for myself when I have complete and total confidence for others...it seems these days that it always goes back to my dad. God tells me daily that He is not going to drop me, but you know my dad would. He totally would, and he would fling me crap about believing that God would bless me for "not working." I have forgiven and forgiven, and I will forgive him again. In fact, I'll do it right now. Papa God, I forgive my earthly father for teasing me, for ridiculing me for having faith in You. I forgive him for putting His anger at you onto me and for robbing me so deeply of the abiding faith You planted within me as a young child. I forgive him for sowing seeds of doubt, fear, skepticism, and even hatred toward you within my young fragile heart. I forgive him for teaching me the lie that you are not trustworthy, and I ask You to forgive me for judging him for that. I know now how easy it is to believe that you are a hard master...teaching us hard lessons through hard situations. I know how easy it is to believe that You would let us fall on our faces rather than lifting us up on eagles wings and renewing our youth. Papa, I renounce the lie that You are unfaithful. I renounce the lie that You will let me fall through the cracks and not take care of every single one of our needs. Papa, I renounce the lie that I have to work for any of Your blessings. I rest in Your arms and ask You to please increase my faith. Blow Your breath of life upon my faith and increase it. Bring me peace. And wherever Tina needs your peace and this intimate knowledge of Your absolute goodness as a Daddy, please let my broken heart today witness to her and open her up to complete trust just as I'm begging you to take me into that same place of complete abandonment, complete trust in You. There is nothing I want more than that. ~Amen.
Well, perhaps that will shift it right there for me, but in case it doesn't...I'm a wreck right now. So please keep praying for me, and I'll check in with you tomorrow.
Love you,
Angela
No comments:
Post a Comment