Father, I ask for your special touch upon our bodies today. I pray for a relaxation within our cells and our muscles. I ask for strength that wells up from within us, strength we didn't know we possessed. I pray for a release of muscle tension, tissue swelling, tension headaches, and pain across the shoulder blades. I ask that you would awaken our minds and hearts to your word throughout the day, examples and signs that show us that you are near to us and confirm to us your word in our hearts. ~Amen
2:6 "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him."
I can sense the build-up to something profound here. Living in Him. This is something I have been really focusing in on this past week as we struggle and contemplate where we are going to live. Several weeks ago, we opened up our hearts and minds to the possibility of moving somewhere other than Redding. This was very hard for me, since Redding is really the only place I want to go. However, I realized that I needed to be open to what my husband really needs (a positive job experience) and open to what God really wants for us. From this side of things, knowing for sure that Redding is where we're going to go, it is easier for me to talk about the process we've walked through now. We toyed with San Diego, Santa Rosa, San Luis Obispo, Santa Barbara, Albuquerque, and even a little bit of discussion about other places in New Mexico and Arizona. Most recently we also talked about just staying in Bellingham. That was the worst for me. I have a vision of something God is trying to do in our lives, and Bellingham just wouldn't work for me. Last Friday I was so distraught because I was convinced that my husband would seriously move to Bellingham just for money and no other reason, which he admitted was the case. I talked with a friend, who said, "You can't always have what you want." Although there is a part of me that believes that, there is also a part of me beginning to believe that this is another one of those false doctrines.
It's not that I believe God is Santa Claus, ready to grant us any wish or fancy that comes along in our minds. I don't believe that for one second. What I do believe is that He is at work, coaxing and gently working within us to bring up the deep layers of our hearts to the surface so we can live out of the dreams that He has planted within us. In fact, I believe that 90% of what we do and think comes from this deep layer. Unfortunately, for many of us our deep layers are filled with the weeds of the enemy's work in our early lives...wounds, experiences that disprove a loving God, anxieties, and fears that prove this world is hostile to us. God has been healing this deeper layer in my life, and I've begun to realize how much of my behavior stems from hidden thoughts and motivations. I have been asking Him to uproot these things and allow only His truth to dwell there, so that the fruit of my conscious life will be in keeping with His word. And what has been true for me throughout this entire process of considering other places is that Redding is the best choice of all of them for me, and I believe for my husband too. But I haven't wanted to manipulate him or circumvent his process, so I have patiently walked through it with him. Considering options, discussing it, being open to God changing my heart as much as I was praying for Him to show Eric what He has been showing me.
This is why what my friend said to me did not bring me peace that day, which is unusual since she almost always brings me peace in our conversations. The peace came when I called a second person for prayer, and he saw that my vision for Redding, my reasons for going, and the call he could feel coming through the phone lines was really from God. He encouraged me to keep telling my husband the truth in respect, honor, and love...to keep speaking to him about destiny, choosing things for reasons other than money, and truly putting faith in God's plan and direction despite what the financial situation looks like from the outside. I did just that, and my husband who was really only slightly leaning toward Bellingham, assured me that night that Bellingham was not a serious consideration. I realize now that what Eric was looking for was a confidence about Redding that he wasn't feeling. But isn't that the way of faith? We sometimes must act on what we know without the feelings. He was looking for what I had. So I am praying for that for him now...full understanding, vision to see what God has shown me about Redding, and trust in the meantime while it is still dark. And Sunday, I talked to him on the phone (since he is at home, and we are at my folks'), and he is now having more confidence.
The funny thing is that it totally reminds me of the three or four months just before our wedding. He had no assurance. He had no faith. He just knew that when he contemplated life without me (which he did for a week), he couldn't imagine it. He didn't have any more assurance after we got married. Our first year of marriage was awful, but we can both see from this vantage point that it was clearly God's plan and destiny. This comparison has helped Eric, too.
With all that being said, when I was in the midst of my turmoil, wondering if God would really show me all that He showed me just so we would have to move to Bellingham for another year to satisfy my husband's curiosity about whether moving for money would actually work for us, God did talk to me about abiding in Him. He told me that my home is in Him and not in a place, not even in Redding. If I'm looking for a home in Redding, I'm not going to find it. If I'm looking for Him in Redding, I am going to find Him. My friend has been right about one thing. She keeps telling me that I must get to the essence of what I'm looking for, because I will not find what I'm looking for if I'm holding too tightly to one way of getting it. I know now that God didn't want us moving to Redding looking for home, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want us moving to Redding! Our Home Is In HIM!!!!
2:7 "...rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."
I knew it was building to a crescendo in these verses. I already talked about the roots in our subconscious governing our actions. I am seeing this transition in my life, a transferring of kingdoms, so to speak. A few years ago I realized that I was very negative. I always said everything with a smile on my face, and people liked to be with me, but the fruit of my life was pain, negativity, depression, and anger. NOT the fruit of the Spirit. I started crying out to Him, not really having a plan for change...in fact I realized that no amount of changing my behavior was going to change anything. Instead, I just told Him every day, over and over, I'm not exhibiting Your fruit. I'm not exhibiting Your fruit. It seems like it got worse, but really I just came out of my denial. I started seeing my negativity in spades, in the way I talked, in what I talked about, and in how I treated my kids and husband. It has taken nearly three years for me to begin to see different fruit growing out of my life, but it has definitely begun to take over. I can tell that the roots I'm nourishing in my life are rooted in Him. The ones that are not of Him are slowly dying and becoming more obvious. Their fruit is cut off before it has a chance to ripen most of the time. Not all the time, but most of the time. And what flows out of me more and more each day is thankfulness instead of complaining! What flows out of me more and more is joy, instead of sorrow and depression. I am so thankful to you father, that what you have been doing in me you are doing in Tina's life. She will see your goodness in the land of the living. She will experience this transfer of Kingdoms, and I believe it will happen much more swiftly for her than it has for me. Thank you, Jesus.
2:8 "See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ."
Hollow and deceptive philosophy. Hollow, that word brings to mind shallow, empty, vanity. Believing things that don't really make a difference. Being taught to do things that don't result in what is promised. Deceptive means not trustworthy, not delivering what is promised, not leading or steering us in the right direction. The foundation of hollow and deceptive philosophy (way of living) is dependent on human traditions. I am praying that God will give me discernment to know when I am depending on human wisdom and when I am depending on Christ. The first thing that comes to my mind in this area is dieting. Haha! Dieting is a hollow and deceptive philosophy. I've been on countless diets, even Bible-centered diets, but I have never found lasting success in controlling my tendency to binge on food, eat too much sugar, and gain weight. I am now turning this part of my life over to Jesus, asking Him for wisdom and solutions...looking for the roots instead of trying to change my behaviors. In the last several years I have seen success in some areas. I choose better foods. Over the past seven years, I have made subtle and lasting changes, one at a time without real results in the weight department, but I do have a ton more energy and I eat far better. I'm guessing that my inside is in far better shape than my outside at this point, but I still have a ways to go before I'm where I want to be physically. Human tradition works from the outside in, whereas Christ works from the inside out. That's how I would sum up my thoughts about this verse.
2:9-10 "For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority."
It just keeps getting weightier and weightier. This is one of the verses that proves Jesus' deity, but it has often been taught in a way that divides us from Him rather than helps us identify with Him. Even though no one has really come out and said it out loud to me, there is a subtle teaching that I've picked up over the years that has led me to believe that I'm not actually capable of reaching the standard which Jesus set for us. I've believed this for years; that I won't reach my full potential until I die and go to heaven. On one level, I really do believe that is true. But I realize the effect that teaching has had on my life is to make me want to give up on this side of heaven. If I can't attain it, why should I even try. The truth is that this verse is actually telling us that we are full of Deity just like Jesus is. This is the proof that we are capable of all that Jesus did and more on this earth, just like He says. I have been living subpar for so long in my life, settling for the crumbs of a life of service when Jesus has really wanted me to live unafraid of taking the risks required to eat the full banquet of seeing myself healed of pain and my scarred and troubled childhood, seeing myself set free from bondage to addictions, seeing myself free to be all that God has made me to be, exercising my gifts and giving away the very freedom He has given to me so I can see others get free.
We have the fullness of God living within us. He has authority over power and principality. EVERY ONE OF THEM!! And His authority dwells within us, too. We have authority over every principality. I can pray for myself and see myself walk free of the enemy's grasp. I can pray for you and see you walk free from the enemy's plans and schemes against you. You can pray for Mark & I can pray for Eric, and we WILL see the enemy's plans fall to the ground. He will be found out and defeated, and we will see God's purposes begin to grow and flourish in our lives and in the lives of those around us. I am so excited!!
Thank you Jesus that you have given us the authority over this earth that we lost to the enemy. Teach us to walk in our true calling. Show us the plans you have for us and show us how to walk in them. More importantly, teach us your ways. Show us how to fall deeper in love with you. Melt our hearts and help us to do everything with our eyes fixed on you, the lover of our souls, or Abba father, our dearest friend. Thank you that you have chosen to share your master plan with all of us through your servant Paul. Prepare our hearts to receive the instruction that is buried deep within the verses of Colossians. Paul is laying a firm foundation for what he is about to say next, and I want to be ready to receive the call that he is going to issue for us, those who are faithful in love. Make us faithful in love, Jesus. ~Amen
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